It’s only human nature to write the ending before the start

Makko’s adventures in: Baguio City

*****

Why are we writing endings before beginnings? Truly I say, it does not matter if one wins or loses in the end, because endings do not matter. Neither should we think that endings are actually beginnings, since one should not await and live life only to wait for death (the end/the beginning). One has consciousness (or life) in order to simply affirm the gift of life (or having consciousness), and not to affirm the impermanence of that consciousness. In other words, one is not alive just to die in the end, but one has to simply live life.

Though it may be true that we would indeed die, it is also true that life is loud, deep, white; the sun is in the sky and oppa gangnam style! (yeah, I still have oppa gangnam hangover), among many others. Adopting a set of facts while discarding others may lead us walking with one leg when we in fact have two. Because It should be clear now, about what Siddhārtha Gautama Buddha, and the other thinkers had apparently said: “What matters is now.”

In reflection of all these things, let me tell you a story.

I have three bitches. One is named Jinkee. Jinkee has a mother named Panot. The oldest one came out of nowhere, and we simply named it Blackie.  And a few months ago, they were all pregnant.

Jinkee gave birth first. There were four, apparent with their pit bull and Shar Pei genes, although such puppies are easily classified as mongrels. Seeing the puppies had never excited me much though, which goes the same with our previous dog births, no matter their high cuteness levels.

Almost all of our dogs, past and current ones, were bad mothers. Aside from having small teats, they would refuse nursing the puppies after a week or two. This would lead us in giving the young ones some milk and rice in hopes that they would survive. But they don’t survive.

I could recount times when the dogs would give birth on places that are wet and unshaded from the rain, on areas where puppies could fall to their death, on areas where chances of survival are determined by anger and irritation, carrying the puppies to a place you had intended for them to curl up and nurse, and feeding them after the mother dog shows no care whatsoever. And by the way, our dogs stay outside.

Having been conditioned by this cycle, I viewed Jinkee’s case to be the same. This is the dog’s second pregnancy, and I was just waiting with my shovel and around 500 calories to fuel the digging. Just like the last time. And the last time before last time for the other dogs. And this week seemed to be another digging session.

I do not know how it started but I think the pup was trying to sleep with one of the dogs. This is not a good idea for the older dog however, so it bit the puppy on the hind leg. I saw the puppy on Monday, and judging with the pair of punctured wounds, I concluded the previous sentence. So, like a vulture waiting for the inevitable end, I gave the puppy a day or two, before finally swooping in for the job.

This morning, 5 days after I saw the wounds, the pup was still there. Alive, but weak. It weighed around a pound (around .4 kg), with a light-brown coat that looked like an old rag, as its fur was uneven – there were long bristles interspersed with the short ones throughout its small body. Its snout is short, like it was slightly pushed back on its face. Its skin looked a bit much for its body because of some wrinkles. And if you would look on its right hind leg, the skin had already separated itself from the muscles. There is abscess. It would not eat. My mother was saying that if she was only here last week, this would not have happened. It seems I had bitten the dog last Monday. It’s just that I did not bite on the neck.

I took pieces of cotton and daubed it with povidone-iodine. I was thinking of googling. How to stitch the skin patches together. What thread to use. How to amputate. Is it not that the hair near the wound should be shaved in order to discourage the build-up of moisture and minimize the proliferation of bacteria? Will I use antibiotics? How will apply it? Topically? Through a hypodermic needle? How to encourage wound healing? How to… analyze the fact that I did not do this when I saw the wounds last Monday? Would it be on a Nietzschean perspective? Or a Christian parable? How about a psychoanalytical approach?

So I end my story there.

Why are we writing endings before beginnings? Truly I say, it does not matter if one wins or loses in the end, because endings do not matter. One wins by doing his or her best and giving his or her all, while one loses when he or she has already written the ending! (badabum tsss!)

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2 thoughts on “It’s only human nature to write the ending before the start

  1. Sony Fugaban says:

    You did your best but your best wasn’t good enough…

    The real story behind this post is a bit of a mystery for me yet I have faith in how you see things.

    By the way, it’s human nature to write the ending before the start because of the word hindsight.

  2. i’ll just leave the story as it is. hehe

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